They don't get It

Some people I know don't understand my circumstances, and they say dumb remarks because,

THEY JUST DON'T GET IT.

Freshman, Transfer, Transfer

I have been in 3 cuny colleges over the past 4 yrs.

Freshman(age 17 to 18) 2 semesters Tuition: $5000

I started off at Medgar Evers college, which turned out to be a big class of 13th graders. This is based on my experience at this school.

The atmosphere at that school is terrible. The students yell in the hallway, gather around and cause clutter, and just waste time. I guess one would have to go durning the evening to actually feel like its college. During actual class time, some students would act like the professor wasn't even there. It made me feel like I was in Junior high with a substitute. Little groups of students causing distrations, yelling out when ever. I mean wtf, this is college. I don't know if its because of the college's location or the students. There may be some good professors at Medgar, but its just a turn off.
If I didn't hate the school so much I could of had my Degree in Psychology.

After being disgusted with M. E., I didn't go back to school until the Fall semester of 2005.

Transfer (19 to 21) to Kingsborough Community College. Tuition: $4200
Now this is what college is suppose to feel like. Roaming on a Large campus, not having students act like 8th graders. Professors giving a challenge. Now some people may disagree with me, and say that KCC is a horrible school. I happen to like it there, there are very good professors and the students seem a bit more mature. (Not the freshman) Maybe its just the classes I am taking, but it is a different feel than ME. I took 2 semester off while attending this school, which is basically 1 year. I plan on making it up during the free 6 week semesters offered at the college. I have about 8 more classes to go plus about 30 hours of field work.
I'm good at KCC for now, and I hope I still feel that way when I start in Sep.

Transfer Laguardia (age 21)
Cost : $70
Community College. The first time I tried to apply for the Vet Tech course, I wasn't able to. Second time , I got in. Due to other circumstances I am not attending. Maybe after I get my Masters I will get my AAS for Vet Tech.

Oh yea that $9,200 came out of my own pocket I do not get FASA, and that's not including books and transportation. :)

Memory Lost

If I could pay for a procedure to wipe away all of my memories of you, I would do it in a flash.
Take everything out ,leave it like a blank sheet of paper. No imprints, no words, nothing.
Take everything away, the memory of the scent of your aftershave lingering behind you. Erase the smiles and tears from my mind. Never think about your touch or promises every again.
Not one memory of you. Banish your face from my minds eye, scratch your name out of my flesh. Cleanse my body of your imagine.
If there was a magic pill that could send you packing from my dreams, I would totally take it. Make everything clean.
Throw away tour gifts, tear up your letters of sweet nothingness. Burn your Pictures and bury the ash. Erase you clean from my mind.
The torture isn't getting over you, because I have done that. It's the fact that your Fucking ghost invades my dreams. Everywhere I turn while I dream, you are there. Its like you did this on purpose, like your camping there.
All I can do is just wait, wait for time to erase you. I'll watch you trickle away, and then finally I'll be free. Emotionally, Mentally and Phsyically.

People I met Over the Years

Um, I'll start where I can remember.

Elementary School

T- she was cool, but she tried to kill me one time at her house. Homegirl actually took a knife from the kitchen and said "I'm going to Kill you" Well after that I never spoke to her again.

S- I thought she was my friend, until she like dug her nail into my hand, I still have the scar to this day. Yea, I'm not in touch with her any more.

K- my first real best friend, I totally miss her, I don't even know where she is.
Transfer...

B- Best friend She 's cool, not crazy like the previous ppl.
S- Best Friend One on the 5 ppl that I chilled with in 390.
V- One on my best friends in junior high also.
S- Just another friend not in the best category.

Highschool...


S- she was coo, but stared chilling with Sh.
R- Something was seriously wrong with this chick, she was all over the place.
W- He would always as me if I sold weed, and that he loves black girls( or something like that)
J- Was in my English class, he and W were hilarious together
Je- My English group buddy
R- Met during my 2nd year, kinda cool , kinda annoying
S- Locker buddy . I shared with her because I couldn't find my locker (lol)
Sa- My psych buddy, that class was crazy. The teacher the students, what a waste of time (lol)
K- Gov. Buddy, I would of totally cut that class every day if it wasnt for her. Thanks man. I couldn't stand that teacher though.
A- Just use to say "whats up" to this person and maybe a convo if I was bored
Ad- Annoyed the shit outta of me.
J- Her breath was so bad, I mean like extremely bad. ugh I hated talking to her.
R- I took Java class with him, just spoke to him because the class was boring.

Band....

K- My secret Lover (lol) , nah just my bf at the time. We were always together. He was really cool.
R- Section Leader at the time, use to work my nerve sometimes. Its all good though, hes still cool
J,S,M- this entire group is crazy. No comment
K- Chuchi
A- Was such a lame at the time, now he thinks hes hot
T- Was cool to talk 2, then turned into a jerk for a while
V- My brother
F- shes cool, sometimes, maybe lol
S- Waste of my effing time
C- Annoying as hell
C- hes ok
K- Doesnt bother me much , a cool person
L- What a cutie, ahh man. He is so funny. Always made me laugh on the phone

There are more but I can remember

so finally I come to Brooklyn and Trenton

Brooklyn : From band. Knew her for about 4 yrs, maybe less or more I can't really remember. She's cool, easy to talk 2, and has her head on her shoulder. I gave her the title of bf, but sometimes idk. (I dont like to give ppl that title because I dont expect much from ppl. ) Like I said she's cool though. This relationship have last longer than others, so maybe thats a good sign.

Trenton: Knew him for about the same time as I did as Brooklyn, or probably less. I joke around and say that he is a replacement for my "K". We chilled, talked on the phone, had fun. He was also given the title bf. This relationship has also lasted longer than some.

Only time will tell what would become of my relationships with Brooklyn and Trenton. The one thing that will not change, is the fact that they are my friends.

One Dude, 3 kids, 2 Baby Mamas. Enter the Drama

This is going to be a short entry.

Enter Drama. That is absolutely what's going to happen if I get involved with "One Dude". I am in no way shape or form trying to be in the middle of all of that. "One Dude" is not worth the trouble. So I'll have to say bye bye. We can totally be friends, but nothing more.

What the hell?

What the Hell?!?

What the hell is wrong with the world today? Why are Grown ass men fucking with little girls? Why isn't Marriage sacred anymore? Why do people think lying is fun? Why can't a man be a Man? How come its ok for a 3o something year old man to have relations with a 17 year old and get away with it? Why are girls so open to just giving it up to any, and everyone? Why are STD's on the rise? Don't people have morals anymore?

What the hell?!?

A biological Child

I am longing to have my very on child. A son or daughter, at this point it doesn't matter. I wanted a son soooo bad, I didn't want to raise a daughter. But my body is messed up and I really don't think its possible for me to have a child, a biological child. I don't even mind being a single mother. Eventhough, some people think that a child should have a mother and a father.I know that I can do it on my own.
I have had relations with a man for about 5 or 6 years and not once have I gone full term. And its not him, because he has a child.
There is something seriously wrong there. I don't know, I'm just rambling, but I want a child, A Biological child.